The Proverbial Bus

There has been a lot on my mind lately. This is all random so be patient, Lord knows I’m not. I want to know what it is I am supposed to do with my life. I will finally graduate college this December, which is amazing. I know God called me to the college I am at, even with the struggles I have experienced there. I reflect on it now and feel that God truly had his hand in it. I went to 4, yes 4 other colleges before ending up where I am at now. It’s kind of like Moses running from God for 40yrs except I’m not Moses and we have cars.

So what am I to do? I have been praying for direction on and off for more then a year, yet I think the answer from God has eluded me. Or has it? Maybe it’s like the cookie I just ate, ya know sitting there in front of me waiting to be snatch up. My focus is to have a carrier job. It’s all I can think about, a job where I have benefits and vacation time, some Saturdays to spend with my wife. Not that much to ask for in my opinion. I have been working at my current job for more then 3 years, a good portion of that has been 40+ hours a week and yet I have nothing to show from it, no benefits, vacation without pay etc… but it’s only a stepping-stone in the path God has set before me.

Maybe it is what I am supposed to do (my current job) and I am just blinded by almost having a degree and a carrier. Yet I have neither at this point, in fact I have no prospect of one (a job). I do pray for it, which in itself is strange. I’m praying for the job, carrier, life, that God has been preparing me for and I know that others are preparing it.

Paradox.

So what is it? I was talking with my friend Josh last night while we where fishing under Tyndall bridge, he was catching. I was fishing. We talked about my lack of faith in public education (my degree will be in music education) and how I felt that I just could not work for a system that (I feel) is ineffective and on the fast track to nowhere. It goes against my moral fiber. I cannot picture myself 20yrs from now teaching in public education, some of you might scoff at that but whatever. I thinking being a teacher, like a fireman, officer, or serving in the military is an honorable carrier. It’s just not for me. Josh thinks I need to get a better temporary full time job and see what happens. I can’t imagine doing work that at the end of the day I can’t look back and say I enjoyed today, yes it was hard, but it was rewarding, I enjoyed it.

I am still trying to figure out if I am called to ministry. I feel drawn to it but why? Is it because I want something else? I “think” I would enjoy it? We are all called to it? Maybe God is really calling me to full time ministry and I doubt all the signs he has laid before me. Or has he? Doubt… that’s a good word. I wonder why me? I am a musician, not a doctor, not the most diligent student, not the best speaker, and the list goes on… Next I relate myself to the disciples. Rob Bell did a great job in Velvet Elvis pointing out the facts about a few of the guys Jesus chooses. None of them where religious scholars, if they where they would not have been fishing. They where average. I am average. God uses average people to do great things for his kingdom. I’m talking great things like helping an old lady across the street or lending a hand to those families moving on the base. Who cares about parting the red sea, Moses already did, and I bet he helped the old ladies cross instead of just watching them stumble on the rocks. So here is what I came up with; Moses waited 40yrs and Jonah 3 days to figure out what they are supposed to do. I am somewhere in between. I guess I will wait until the proverbial bus hits me while crossing the street.

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~ by Dan Browne on August 29, 2006.

2 Responses to “The Proverbial Bus”

  1. Just prayed for you man.

  2. Me too.

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